I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
