Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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