There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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