I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
