hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
