Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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