oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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