Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
