where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
