I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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