she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
