Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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