I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
