So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
