Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
