hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
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She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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