Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
