this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
