listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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