it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
