whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
