Plan B is the new Plan A
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
