I'm pants shitting drunk right now
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I need water and some morals
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
