I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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