O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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