I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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