We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
