Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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