garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
