is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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