You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
