BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
