Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
