i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize