we have pet lesbian snakes
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
