i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
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sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
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One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize