I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggles of a small town man whore
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize