Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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