It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I touched a dick in church today
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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