The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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