Already got asked if we're dating
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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