Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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