Screwed.edu
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
