More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
