I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
