hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
