The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
