I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
