i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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