nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
