why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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