Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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