How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
