kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
50% drunk capacity currently
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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