Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
