i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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