Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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