I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
