I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
