When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
