What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
as a side note pls kill me
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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