I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This baby is an asshole
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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