just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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