just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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