hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
