I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
