Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
