i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
How's work?
Spinning.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
