What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
