Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
