my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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