between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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