Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
