I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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