Apparently you make a good broom.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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