these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
