What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
