is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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