We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
