The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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