weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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