You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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