Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
