They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
