I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
