So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
