also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
