I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
