so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
